I have never had as much fun playing WARMACHINE as I had playing Hardcore. If you played in both Hardcore and the Nationals last year, you will agree, unless you’re a bit “off” or otherwise retarded. Hardcore embodies all that is best about our hobby and I plan to play only in Hardcore events from now on.
What’s so fucking great about Hardcore? If you have to ask, you may need to seek counseling. First off, the name itself is great. It implies that it’s the only format in which “hardcore” players play. The obvious conclusion one may draw from this is that those who play in other formats, are less than “hardcore” and thus pussies. You hear of events called “Ironman”, “Ultimate” and “Extreme”, but those are played out and overused terms. “Hardcore” is also played out, but conjures images of hawtties in various positions and I still like it, so it’s a better name.
Privateer got us interested with the name, but what makes it “Hardcore” then? How about the fact that you have to have your models painted? Not only that, but you have to get your paintjobs approved by judges. No Pewter-flavored, procrastinating, pansies at this event. You will not see any transient ccg or cmg players looking to net-deck, glue their newly purchased pewter together and pwn all at Hardcore events. We see plenty of those players in other events as well as spewing their useless drivel in the various tactics forums and linking to those self-congratulatory threads on their blogs as they try to impress Cybergrrl69. Nope. In Hardcore, you have to turn up with an army of appropriately painted and based models. This shows more than a passing interest; a “Stake in Society”, kind of like a requirement for voters to own property. When will we learn?
Some people will do a bit of BooHoo-ing at this but no one says that you must paint them yourself. We’re all busy with things like arguing on the intrawebz, surfing for free porn, making glorified calculators for players who came through the public school system, or some combination of all three. You can borrow figures from friends or you can steal them if you like, though that may get embarrassing if the original owner ends up across the table from you. Was Ticknor really there last year? The important thing is that you dress appropriately for the event. In this case, we don’t care so much what the players wear, but your minis should be “dress to impress” or why bother?
With all of the nice and painted armies, another important aspect of Hardcore is that of Time. Games in the nationals or even friendly matches move WAY TOO FUCKING SLOW!!! As Vertigo Jones is oft heard to exclaim, “This isn’t fecking Chess”, so why so much anal-ysis? It should take you no more than ONE minute per caster to allocate your focus. It should take you no more than another minute to take care of continuous effects and such and then I’ll give you a minute per 100 points, at most, to take your turn. Ten fecking minutes is plenty of time for a turn at 750 points. Hardcore gives you seven! That’s awesome!
Have you ever had an opponent spend ten minutes allocating focus after you freakin’ Withered them? Jesus tap-dancin’ Christmas! Now I know how Peyton Manning feels watching the opposing team rush for 200+ yards against his defense while he paces the sidelines like R Kelly outside of a Girl Scout meeting. Seven minutes is a perfect amount of time. It weeds out those who want to play chess or solve theoretical mathematical equations and allows the rest of us to play a damn wargame. Playing in the Nationals and getting three turns when you should get at least twice that number is fecking painful. I’d rather watch a pokemon tournament. It’s a “War-game” people, not a “bore-game.” Move it along for feck’s sake!
This year, we get another reason to love Hardcore: No Hordes. “But Ranz, there were no Hordes allowed last year…” Brilliant observation there Beanius, but this year, the other events ARE mixed. Hardcore is not. I have no interest in slapping around the primitives. If that was my thing, I’d hit historical cons and play Brits and Zulus or shoot up some Injuns in a Wild West game or some such silliness. Mixing the two has not only firmed up my already rock-solid opinion of Hardcore being the only format for real men, but also cured me completely of my curiosity about Hordes. Playing Hordes is kind of like watching the WNBA or American League Baseball: It’s just not the real thing. Maybe when the WNBA goes for scantily-clad hotties, the American League does away with the silly DH and Hordes gets another book or two and allows for the hire Eiryss, I’ll go back to giving a shit. Until then, I’m out.
To review, Hardcore has everything a good game of WARMACHINE needs: A cool name that pisses off a lot of whiners and excuse-makers, a painting requirement that pisses off many more of the first group and timed rounds that move things along as well as acting as a filter to keep out those who Darwin has missed in the Selection Process. Awesome! Now what would I add? I would add in Steamroller Scenarios. Add these in and make Hardcore the Nationals and make the Nationals, something else, like the Loser Bracket for the Hardcore Nationals or something. I really don’t care, just make Hardcore the Nationals and I’ll be seeing you at GenCon.
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